Sentimental Man

I know a man -- you know him too,

Who long before December's through

Begins to rant and pull his hair

And fairly leaps into the air

And vows he'll not have any part

Of all this nonsense of the heart.

He's in a dither -- just because

His wife has mentioned Santa Claus.

"Why, don't you know -- great Scott, my dear!

It happens this time every year --

It's just a gag the merchants pull

This talk about a stocking full

Of this and that and everything,

By jove, I'd like their necks to wring

For sentimentalizing trade.

I'll tell you, I can't make the grade.

There's coal to buy and hats and shoes

And bills and taxes, fees and dues.

I think we'll skip this Yuletide stuff.

We'll chuck it all -- I've had enough!"

By middle of the month you'll spy

A covert twinkle in his eye.

His speech is queer and indirect,

But any woman can detect

Her tight-wad man is going soft.

She's seen it happen -- ah, how oft

He's started out with wild abuse,

Then ended up by cutting loose.

So when there's only three days left

This man is of his mind bereft.

He buys the biggest Christmas tree,

His list he multiplies by three

Of folks that must receive a gift.

He even does an evening shift

Of going shopping with his wife.

He spends his money large as life.

The little woman, with alarm,

At last must take him by the arm

And tell him that she likes to see

A man go on a spending spree

"But, John dear, do be finding out

There's other things to think about!"

(Copyright, 1940)